You're sleeping on the couch
by asuki-anani
Summary: Ficlet Ron Weasley & the miracle of childbirth. A tad bit slashy. Mpreg.
1. drabble uno

As usual I own not a thing that is remotely familiar. HP and all it's incarnations belong to a really rich lady in GB and she deserves it all.

This story is not OotP compliant.

Here

we

go....

Ron winced, by the time this was over his hand would be useless.

"I hate you Ron Weasley."

"Breath baby, don't hold your breath so long that will just make things worse."

"Worse, how could things get worse? We've...no I've been through this three times already. No more this is absolutely it!"

"I'm sorry luv it's not like I planned this to happen."

A load roar comes from the heaving body on the bed, "I mean it! This is the last time you are never coming near our...my bed again."

"What ever you say love."

"Don't coddle me Ron!"

A mediwizard enters the room, "Are we ready to have baby?"

"I've been ready for the last month."

"Well, I have some news for you two. Babies are an inexact science in both the wizarding and muggle world. Occasionally in a multiple birth one baby hides itself from all tests. With wizarding multiple births this is usually an indicator of strong magic. "

"What are you saying?"

"Well Weasleys today you will be adding two members to your family instead of one."

"Doctor how much did Fred and George pay you? This is not a time for jokes!"

"Never touching me again. You will sleep on the couch forever! Five children. Ron we will have five children under the age of five. Emslie won't be five for another six months!"

"They already outnumber us. We're doomed."

"Now Weasleys don't look so worried..." The doctor trails off at his patient's glare.

Ron's face screws up in a grimace as Draco lets out an inhumane grunt of pain while clutching his husband's hand. "Yeow...ahh well I didn't need that hand anyway."

"No, I can't break you. Need you to change diapers and chase toddlers."

"Sorry to interrupt but look like baby number one is anxious so we..." at yet another glare the doctor corrects himself . "I mean, of course, you need to start pushing."

Five hours later Ron Weasley was crying. Not from pain, his hand had been mended, but from joy. Finally he had a son. Two of them in fact. His father would be so happy. Although he loved his granddaughters he long for a grandson and now finally after twenty-four girls the Weasleys had been blessed with two boys. Percy would be jealous; he and Oliver were beset with five little girls.

Ron looked over at his mate and smiled. Sometimes he still could not believe his life. They were such opposites on so many things. It had taken them both a long while to get past their issues and learn not to fight so much. However they did not give up and were happy with their ever-expanding family.

During the labor he nearly lost his love, he had never been so scared. But the excellent medical staff had pulled through and all three had made it.

"Hey love. Wake up. Come on, open those eyes for me. "

Bleary red shot eyes fluttered open, "Ron, I had a nightmare. I dreamed I was pregnant again. Right before the labor became really intense Dr Owens said I was having twins isn't that insane Ron. Why is it so dark in here? You look worn out. Where are we for that matter?"

Ron chuckled and kissed the hand he was holding, "Sorry babe it wasn't a dream."

"Ron we can barely handle the three we have on a good day."

"I know but it's not like we can return them."

"I know but expect me to be cranky & your Mum to live with us for a while. I have no idea how Percy & Oliver handle five girls."

With tears in his eyes Ron kisses the hand he is holding, "I nearly lost you & the babies you can be cranky as long as you like. The doctor says you'll be okay but bed rest for at least a week maybe two."

Draco blushes and pulls Ron close for a hug, "I couldn't leave you with five kids Ron. They would turn out worse than Fred and George if you raised them alone. So what do our new girls look like? Do your parents like them?"

"I haven't owled anyone yet and Severus and Sirius have our girls till Tuesday."

"Is something wrong? Why haven't you owled or flooed anyone? Weasley where the hell are my babies!"

"They are perfect, healthy, and once unwrinkled they will be as gorgeous as their blonde father. Let me bring them to you."

Ron walks over to the large bassinet and carefully lifts the babies & lays them on Draco's bed.

"Now, I don't want to frighten you but these babies have something not seen on a Weasley child in quite awhile."

"What are you blathering on about. These are perfect babies. Ten toes and ten fingers each. The required smattering of Weasley red hair. When you said they'd be as gorgeous as me I thought we had broken the Weasley curse and actually had towheaded children. "

Ron laughs and kisses his husband's forehead "I think it's time for a diaper change. Would you like to do the honors?"

"You are an odd man Ronald Weasley."

The baby on the left is promptly and carefully stripped. Draco looks down lovingly at his newborn child, "This baby...this baby is a ..."

Quickly moving to undress the other baby the same discovery is made. "Boys Ron. We have sons."

"I wanted you to know before the Weasley horde descends upon us."

"Boys, Ron we have boys"

"They'll be as gorgeous as their father."

"Holy Merlin Ron. Ron how do you potty train boys? It takes a while to learn to aim."

Ron chuckles and kisses his mates hair, "I love you Draco."

"Love you too Ronnie, but you're still sleeping on the couch."

"Ron I've discovered a previously unknown benefit to baby girls."

"Our relatives eventually leave us alone? My father doesn't sneak into the house at night and set up camp in the nursery?"

"All good points but not where I was going."

Draco walks into the room and the front of his shirt is soaked.

"What happened? I thought you were changing the boys? Not showering fully clothed"

"I was. I swear Lefty was aiming for my face."

"Your forgot to keep him covered didn't you? Mum did warn us."

"He caught me by surprise & I was kinda shocked."

"So you just stood there and took it?"

"I couldn't believe he'd actually done it. And Righty just kinda smirked at me. He's been hanging around Severus too much"

Ron chuckled, "We can't keep calling them Lefty and Righty."

"I'm calling Lefty Squirt from now on."

"Draco!"

"By the way since your son peed on me you're sleeping on the couch."


	2. drabble dos

Draco lay back cuddled next to his husband, the house was quite and the peace was simply relaxing. Arthur had shown up about an hour ago and had ensconced himself and the girls in the twins' nursery. It had been ages since he and Ron had simply held each other while it was still daylight.

The twins were now three months old and had taken up the habit of waking at two am and wanting to babble more than eat. Draco snuggled under Ron's chin and nipped at his neck. The man really had been a good sport about sleeping on the couch eventually Draco had let him back into their bed. But sex was still limited until they found a way to prevent conception.

Every now and again the silence was broken by high-pitched girlish giggles. Draco could not believe that he had three lovely daughters and did not look forward to having them grow up and turn into young beautiful women. They were his babies and he didn't want boys sniffing around them. The silence was torn once again but this time by blood chilling shrieks.

Draco and Ron both jumped from the couch and apparated to the nursery.

There they found Arthur trying to calm down the girls while the boys were lying on the floor happily chewing on their toes.

"Daddy, Papa something's wrong with the babies."

"What do you mean? Arthur what is going on?" Draco is holding two of the girls while Ron has picked up the other.

"I have no idea. The boys needed changing and rather than using the changing table I had the girls bring the supplies over here. I stripped both boys and when I removed the wet diapers they started screaming."

"Daddy they don't look right." Emslie the oldest girl stated; the other two girls aged three and two nodded in agreement.

"Girls what is it about the boys that is not right?"

"Granpa was changing them and there is something on their vagina."

At that pronouncement the men in the room stare at each other in abject fear. The silence in the room was different from earlier & Ron was starting to hyperventilate as well as turn red; he lets Emslie slide down his leg to the floor.

"Ron, Draco have you not explained how boys are different from girls? The twins have been around for three months haven't the girls seen that difference before now?"

"Umm well not really. We usually change them on a table or dresser and the girls can't see that high up. And when one of us bathes the boys at night the girls are usually finishing up dinner." Draco looks over to his husband, " Ron breathe for Merlin's sake!"

Arthur's eyes are watering with tears of held back laughter, "Well boys I think I will leave you to explain how boys are different from girls."

The Weasley patriarch rises from the floor and walks away. As he heads down the hall laughter can be heard before a loud crack signals that he has left.

Emslie looks shocked at her grandfather's reaction, "Daddy why was Granpa laughing? Something is wrong with the twins!"

Draco places his daughters on the floor and continues the diapering job Arthur started, "Emslie, Reece, Wynne, umm lets see boys and girls umm... Ron a little help here."

Ron takes a final deep breath and starts diapering the other child. "Girls you three are sisters. You look alike and your bodies are the same. The twins are different and we told you they are your brothers. Brothers, no I mean boys are different from girls that's why they're brothers not sisters."

"Excellent explanation Mr. Weasley I'm sure they're not confused at all by that."

"What's that extra piece for Daddy?"

Ron turns to Draco, "Yes Daddy what is that extra piece for?"

"Well you girls know that before you were potty trained you wore diapers like the boys right?

"I a big girl Daddy. Don't need stinky diapers", happily exclaims Reece. Wynne ducks her head down but her ears are tell tale red. Occasionally she has accidents at night and wears training pants to sleep in.

"That's right my girls are growing up so fast they don't need diapers. But they boys are babies and still do. But when they get potty trained they won't have to sit down to pee that extra piece means they have to stand up to pee."

"That's not fair! I want to pee standing up too!"

"Me too!" "Me too."

"Sorry girls but you aren't built that way. It's just one way boys are different from girls. You'll learn more when you're older."

The following Sunday Ron's family floos to the Burrow for dinner as soon as their feet hit the floor the three girls run for the kitchen. Most of the visiting Weasley are in there helping with dinner.

As the girls run to give their grandparents hugs Ron and Draco deal with the babies. In the kitchen Molly is helping Emslie off with her traveling robes. As usual the little girl starts up an animated conversation with her grandmother.

Suddenly she stops, places her hands on narrow hips, and the loud room experiences an unusual moment of silence. Of course that is when the child chooses to exclaim.

"Gran, did you know boys can pee standing up!"


End file.
